Dear Take It or Leave It,
I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about 6 months. He made it clear from the beginning that he had been polyamorous in the past and this has been a non-issue up until recently. Another woman has entered the picture that he has feelings for and he wants to date her while dating me still. At this point, I have such strong feelings for him that I want to continue the relationship, though I’m nervous as I’ve never dated someone who is seeing other people at the same time. Is this something that can possibly work out? I feel put outside my comfort zone but truly want this all to turn out for the best.
Lost in the Bermuda Love Triangle
What’s most important in this situation is for you to be aware of your
own feelings and comfortable in your own relationship. After six
months of dating, you’ve likely established quite a bit of trust and
safety between just the two of you. Although you may have originally
agreed to, and understood to the terms of a polyamorous relationship,
you’ve basically been living under the conditions of a monogamous
relationship for the entire span of this relationship. Transitioning
from an essentially monogamous relationship into a polyamorous one at
this stage in the relationship can be a big strain on all parties
involved. Now, this doesn’t mean that entering into a polyamorous
relationship at this point in the game can’t work, but if it’s going
to happen, you need to be comfortable with it and very in touch with
Ask yourself these questions:
*Am I okay with my significant other seeing this other woman because I
feel pressured to be okay with it, or because I really do feel all
right with it?
*Have I talked to my significant other about how time will be shared
between this new women and myself?
*Does my significant other plan to have sexual intercourse with both
this new woman and me?
*Am I allowed to see other people if I want to?
*Am I feeling any feelings of jealousy towards this new woman?
Polyamory can be beautiful and liberating when done under the right
circumstances. My best advice really is, to stay in touch with your
own feelings with this situation. Perhaps keep a journal. And as
always with polyamory (or any relationship, really) make sure to keep
the lines of communication very open. Talk about anything that is
bothering you (especially jealousy) and remember to always have safe
Best of luck!
You sound like you’re lacking a little in the self confidence area, am I right? The problem there is I’m quite sure you are beautiful woman. Why is that do you ask? Because number one, this guys with you in the first place, and number two, he’s still coming back for more after 6 months. You don’t hang around with a girl who you’re just jerking around for 6 months. Anyways, my point is that you clearly have him on the hook, so take control of the relationship here.
Lost in Bermuda, the way I see it – you have two options. You kick this guy to the curb and find someone like myself, who really appreciates the hot young firecracker you are. Or you can find a port in this storm and be okay with the fact he needs another woman in his life. Maybe even turn that Bermuda Triangle in to a REAL love triangle if you know what I mean! But regardless of what you do, don’t expect him to change his ways. People don’t change they just get older, and he’s been straight with you about this from the beginning. But that doesn’t make you a victim. You can choose have power over your own life so take it and do something with it. Kick some ass LBLT. Keep it real until next next time folks! I’m out…
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